"This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles", Psalm 34:6 NIV
Since He has done amazing things--that only He could do--it would be very wrong for me to keep silent. Honour should be given when honour is due, and I give honour to Him today.
It can only be God.
If God is faithful to us, who are we to lose faith in ourselves? Who are we to give up? We’ve been endowed with imagination and wisdom and we have the ability to trust; things have worked out in the past and they’ll work out for us again in the future.
I grew up never feeling my mother's favour, unless I did something to please her. This confusion about love spilled over into my relationship with God and developed into a compulsion to please and serve the Lord in an effort to win God's love. Eventually my quest for love was satisfied when illness brought me to a weakened place where the only thing I could do was receive the love of God.
Ephesians 2:8-9: "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God--not the result of works, so that no one may boast." (NRSV)
My upbringing, however, was often characterized by trying to please my mother, who seemed to favour my brother. My father was loving towards me, but somewhat distant toward my brother. In some ways, our family was similar to the biblical family of Jacob and Esau, where each parent had their "favourite." This situation created in me a deep insecurity and confusion about love. Whereas I didn't have to "work" for my father's love (he loved me whether or not I was achieving something positive), my mother seemed to like me only when I did something to please her, like helping her clean the house or score well in my examinations. I often felt liked by my mother when I pleased her but I didn't feel loved by her. I loved the Lord and knew in my mind he loved me and sent his son, Jesus Christ, to shed his blood for me that I would be forgiven of my sins and receive eternal life. Yet, whenever my life didn't quite work out as I had wanted, I sometimes doubted God's love for me. As a result, I tried to do more, work more, to try and be more pleasing to God, so that I would win his love and approval. However, I never felt completely free to be me. When I wasn't giving to others, I often felt lonely and driven to do more. In addition, I gave up running to study at home so that I could score well in my examinations. I was still unconsciously trying to win her love and approval. What was the result? I was a catholic teenager with a broken heart and a bitter spirit.
Not long ago I became ill and was hospitalized for almost two months. During my hospital stay, I had to depend on nurses, doctors, and others to care for me as I slept most of the time. Lying in my hospital bed, weakened physically and mentally, I immersed myself in God's Word by reading My Daily Bread which my friend Manuela lent me and nothing else. I also listened to music from my MP3 player to calm my mind because the doctor said I was too stressed up with my studies and everything going on in my life. I began to reflect on my life and the Holy Spirit gently revealed to me where I had forsaken my freedom in Christ, for the bondage of slavery to "works" and trying to please others. In the book of Galatians it states: "You who want to be justified by the law have cut yourselves off from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. For through the Spirit, by faith, we eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness." (Galatians 5:4-5, NRSV) I asked for God's forgiveness and I also forgave others. God granted me an outpouring of his love through calls, visits and cards from church members, friends, family, and even strangers. There were certain hospital care givers that showed me compassion and made up for those who lacked genuine concern. I felt God's love profoundly as I did nothing. And I felt the outpouring of his love and grace through others for whom I had done nothing!
As I celebrated the memory of the resurrection of Jesus Christ in my hospital room, my life was resurrected in Christ from within. I know in my heart, and not just in my mind, that we do nothing to earn God's love and his salvation. It is truly a gift from heaven.
Today, I am not just a servant of God, but a friend of God. I am also a child of God who is learning to be humble enough to ask God for help and to ask others for their help as well.
I still have some health issues to overcome, but I feel confident that the Holy Spirit is with me on this healing journey. Jesus promised never to leave me nor forsake me. I stand firm on his promises because God loves me. It is his nature to love you and me.
He is faithful! He works in ways that I can not explain so that the glory goes to Him! If you are in trouble, lift your eyes to Him, lift your voice to Him, and cry out for His help.
Here's the words of a poem I wrote, inspired by Psalm 78:72:
Give me an undivided heart, that I may walk in your path,Give me an undivided heart, and show the way.
Give me an undivided heart, that I may walk in your light,Give me an undivided heart, so I won't stray.
Give me an undivided heart, that I may walk in your love,Give me an undivided heart, my Lord, I pray.Give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.Give me an undivided heart.
PRAISE THE LORD =)
